"Every first kiss...."
It started with a song. It always starts with a song.
I've been writing at random all day long, trying to get back to something I wanna say to you guys. I haven't really written in a while, I've reported. And while I am so grateful for readers new and old, I feel like it's more my job to make you think, as opposed to give you what you want to hear. My nose wrinkles at this even now, because all I want is to be wrapped up in them for 2 more weeks. But if I don't push myself, then how can I push you.
"Every love sick note..."
What would happen if I posted all your secrets? All the scandals that the books hold, the reasons I won't any one else even hold them. What would happen? If I described last week's hookup and this week's honest fears. Would the truth make you want more or think less of me? Nate thinks maybe the secrets aren't that important at all. That maybe I am holding onto nothing and that my workaholic becoming the job analogy doesn't make sense. But I think he's wrong.
"I can barely make a move, by the time she opens up her eyes..."
Secrets may only matter to the person keeping them, but that is still one person. One man's junk... I think of the "fine" answers I keep getting and I wonder why you never let me be upset. Why is it so terrible to feel stressed, frustrated, or hurt? Nobody ever healed without bleeding a little first. I need to be allowed to feel this out.
"You're all of my days."
The secrets don't define me. True there are some days I feel they are all I'm worth, I feel that I am them. That I am Mike's camouflage and Nicky's in confidence. That I'm Andre's alibi and Jay's excuse. Tonight I'm Ryan's rationale. But that's some days. Other days I wish I didn't think so much, I wish I couldn't see so far and that I really was just at the show for the cute boys. Lol. But then, I play this freakin' song again and I know I'd be miserable as anyone else but this me.
"There's never been a better time to get it on..."
I moved into a house off Covert Ave. Covert; a secret. And my first guest was Nate Cyphert. Cipher; to figure out code.
"oh girl, well let's just sing about it."
May tomorrow bring sun and inspiration.
...Ricky.
my Myspace playlist by: awesome people, put together by me.
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Big picture versus little picture. Right now versus always. We can feel like shit whenever we want or as much as we want and we can run and hide or stay and fight. We can jump or fall or laugh or hit but somewhere through all of it we will probably find something we like--or, at the very least, something we prefer. And then, we could choose to make an effort to make those preferred feelings and experiences more frequent and common than the un-preferred. It doesn't always work, but it doesn't always not work, either.
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