But girl it wasn't a joke when you kissed me in your room and replied "I love you too."

Relationships...are a real funny thing. I look at my friend, one of my best friends, who naps quietly, finally peaceful after so much strain these past few months. I know most of her story should be kept to myself, because she is not to be made example of. But I see her with this ragged stuffed...I'm actually not sure what type of animal it was at one time, but I know that she's had it her whole life. She has her now grown up arms wrapped around this tiny little piece of something, and I know it has a huge part in why she's finally at ease. And I know exactly what it is in a time like this, it's a tiny little piece of hope.

A band boy, who will remain anonymous, showed me his ragged stuffed something recently. It was this that actually won me over, because a boy who sends a picture message of the stuffed rabbit he's had since birth is either really cute, or just really smart. In this case it's both. I cannot disclose the bunny's name, for this cannot be traced back to the publicly smug skinny wearing scene kid. I will say though, that relationships...are a real silly thing.

I know a boy whose girlfriend gave him a stuffed animal to remind him of their relationship when they had to be apart. That animal has never sat a day on his bed once. I don't think I'd ever give a boy a stuffed animal. I feel like that's just asking to get made fun of behind your back. I have 10 boy cousins and 1 brother and I think two of them take care of the stuffed animals their chicks have given them. Mostly they can't remember which chick gave them which one. So I would never give a boy a stuffed animal. No.

I like getting stuffed animals from boys, though. I have a collection, and I'm not sure if it's a collection of shame or just a visual documentation of past failed relationships. What funny things they are. I have one teddy wearing a Brown University t-shirt from the frontman turned rugby sell out. I will always hate that school. I have a little Spiderman from a touring bassist turned secret keeper. It'll probably stay behind the television where I threw it when I found out until the day I move out. I have one adorable Fancy Pants from the only boy I will probably never try to date, sadly lol. Fancy Pants is a rabbit dog with no neck and stuffing popping out. The boy who freed him from the claw game for me on our anniversary tied a heart around his neck and promises to stitch him up soon. Fancy Pants is somewhere in my bed every night and I cuddle with him pretty much every nap time. I would say my relationship with Fancy Pants is the best one I've had in years.

It's the relationships I wish I could hold onto that I don't have a little piece of hope for. That dirty upstate boy that I love so much, I have 2 of his t-shirts, one hoodie, and a letter he sent to me when I went back to college. I'd like to give those shirts back, if not just to see him one more time. But when I left he told me to keep what I wanted, to not try to find him. I love these stolen clothes because I've been asked not to love him anymore.

Relationships are not made of stuffing. They can't really be sewn up at the seams and they aren't always there to cuddle you to sleep. Last night Christofer Drew decidedly announced that relationships were awesome. At the time I was disappointed in him for saying so, but one night later I can't help but wonder if I should believe him or not. I believe in his songs, why not the mentalities behind them? And I believe in love, why not the bonds it creates? I have a relationship with the choices I've made and the person I've chosen to become. It will only be these things, Fancy Pants, and one Christofer Drew song with me in bed tonight.





...Ricky.
"Your Biggest Fan" by: Nevershoutnever!