Oh please can't I keep them all here like this?

Notes on a productive practice.

"This Condition practices? Don't they like, never practice?" -Ryan24

It's funny that these are the same boys I knew a year ago. It's funny to know the live band they are in the scene and then get to see them in a dim basement like this. It's anything but funny that even in the cluttered setting I see them in grand halls and sold out ballrooms. It's definately funny that Nate air guitars to his own band.

I don't know about them, but I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. I am adjacent to Stevie who has lots of hair but sad eyes. He tunes his drums. I am directly across from Nicky C. who probably is the most onto the words I am writing. He looks down at his bass when I look at him. I am diagonal from Anthony who wants me to laugh and joke with him. He forgets I'm trying to be neither seen nor heard. I am right behind Mike and though I know a bunch of people will have something to say about it, I feel safe in my spot. He flips his hair. I am not in the eyeline of Nate who is busy clearing his throat, taking a swig of water, fussing with his hair, and clearing his throat again. They are ready.

Tonight they are practing Starting Line songs for the previously titled Dobwink...which I guess now technically needs to be referred to as Dob's Cover Show...Thing. Regardless, you should get pumped. It's gonna be a fun fun show! Nate asks for help with the pitch of the 1st verse of Best of Me. "Is it up or down?" But instead of just answering him, all 4 of his bandmates come out singing the notes together. Lol, it's decently amusing. They start Best of Me again, after I get up and play-pause-rewind-play the CD for them to hear. Nate goes to sing the intro but Steve is off on a tinny tangent. "Come on Steve!!" Nate hollers and flings his hands into the air. The situation is corrected with a quick and routine "sorry." from Steve and they dive...well they re-dive into it.

"Tell me what you thought about!"

Nate wants everything to have something acoustic in it. I remember Mike and Nicky making separate comments to me on the matter. Now, Nate tosses his idea out there, "And maybe I could play in the beginning of this?" I laugh, hushing myself almost instantly remembering it's a priviledge to be here.

I catch both Nick and Mike check themselves out in the mirror hanging on the wall. It. is. hysterical. Ant gets caught not knowing where he is or what he's supposed to be playing because he's goofing off to me. His hip shaking and dweeby faces don't bail him out though when we both look in wide-eyed panic at each other with every wrong attempt at the right chord. I adore Ant's "oh shit" face. Nate mouths 'bridge' to him before any of the others- and by others I mean Mike- can yell at him.

Nate's ability to hold rule is terribly interesting and, kinda cute. While Anthony and Mike are debating the guitar parts, Stevie gets bored and starts to slam around his set like a 4-year old. Nate puts one finger up and he stops. Nicky steals the book to read it and I don't jump. But Nate reaches in, takes it swiftly away from him and puts it back in front of me. And when Nick starts to protest in defense, Nate's eyebrows go up only ever so slightly and Nick zips it.

Again, I note Ant's facial expressions. This is his, "I have no fucking clue what I'm doing but maybe if I make this face and don't say anything but uhhh...no one will notice." Word from the watcher Ant, they know.

The Conditions are choreographers. Nick takes a wide power stance facing Steve and says, "Let's do THIS-" They call it "THIS." Genius.(The brilliant dance move will be withheld with hopes that THIS will actually be performed onstage Sunday.) "Are we doing THIS at the beginning of this song?" Mike asks and takes the stance as well. They take the mini routine for a test run and Nate nearly falls off his stool begging in laughter, "Can you please?? OMG can you really please?!" How could you say no to that? "Wait wait! Right left?" Nicky needs to know. Ant has issues with THIS but to Nathen's and my great amusement, the 3 of them give it a go. Nicky by far leads the THIS. I can't even bury this laughter in words, but I try. I focus into my page for a while and when I sense to look up, Nates eyes are...right there. I hardly ever know what to do when he sings so close to me. He always wins the staring game. Mike though, doesn't, and when he tests me we go for a long time until finally a wrong note plinks out of his guitar and he shouts, "Damnit!"

Island. I think Nate likes this song because it's about ships and floating and like, palm trees and smiling. It's a Nate kind of song. He gets all shaky and has to get up and bounce around cuz he's too excited. Steve uses his whistle necklace to call a flag on the play and I have to run back to the CD player to check a part because all 5 of them are yelling like men at a football game. Band boys are just as rowdy as other boys. I never knew there was a cliche disgruntled neighbor. Apparently they start complaining at 9:30pm but we can push it until 10pm. They say they have little kids, "but it's the weekend mon!"

God I wish I'd kept a tally of how many times they had to wave Steve off to shut up on his drums! My smiles come from everywhere but the majority of my laughs come from this drummer's inability to sit still. I also laugh when....

Nicky thinks his bass sounds amazing. Nate tells him if he took a shit, that that's what it would sound like.

They all know what I'm doing and they're pretty comfortable with the Book by now. I commend them too because it's not always enjoyable to have someone sitting with an open book staring at you. Nicky picks on me mid-chorus and motions a scribbling hand across an invisible page. Mike laughs and I blush guiltily.

I like the way they laugh at each other in practice. I like the way they fight too. I share my space with extra basses and guitars, merch bins and open road cases. And I really don't mind a bit. I love how Nicky smiles when he sees me smiling. I like how we all fit in here.

Oh please can't I keep them all here like this? I have never been in so much love. I've never smiled so deeply. It's like the corners of my mouth marionette my heart because everytime I smile at them it leaps up a little. "Please don't leave me, without saying goodbye." It occues to me that this feeling is stagnant in this family. Stagnant love. Even in fights and so-called 'off times' it is "only love could be this strong." This realization makes me breath and not worry that this will all end too soon. It'll end when it's ready to. "We WILL ring out here!" -Mike. I look at the 2 boys who have upset me the most and I feel where the scars they left remain. But I gotta say, I feel nothing but love for them. That is my revenge. And this right now, this is the sun after the storm.

"The worst is over, you can have the best of me."






...Ricky.
"Up and Go" by The Starting Line