From Yesterday...

I've been looking for words for Devin, trying to let come to me any little bit of something to breathe the sadness of his situation. Even as I write this I'm unsure of what I'm going to say or how I can put it, but Nate seems to believe that I will find a way. So I will.

3 hours and 4 pages of zero-ness later:

I'm looking for words for Devin, because I can't stop thinking about him today. About how today is Mother's Day and how I would do anything to take some of the hurt from him. I called my own mother and started to cry over her story about a BBQ at my Gramma's. When she asked why the tears, I sobbed about the guilt of unfairness I felt being able to talk to my mom when he couldn't. Then she did as mother's do and had a way of putting things a way I would understand. She put it into Erica language. And then I got to thinking...

Things that mothers do, things they say, the way they took care of us before we can even remember...those things stay with us.They set a backbone so we can go off and riff and solo where ever and whenever we want to. So in a way, mothers are like the drums of our songs, keeping a rhythm that holds you in place even in times like these. And drums, they are the heartbeats in the song; keeping the time an organism with so many intricate parts. So if mothers are drums, and drums are heartbeats, then mothers are definitely in heartbeats. And we can conveniently take those where ever we go.

One day and only this draft later...

I was looking for words for Devin and this is all I could find. They don't make clear sense to me, so they probably won't make clear sense to anyone else. But I asked for words, and words these are. Next time I should ask for complete sentences.






...Ricky.